One of my last posts sang the praises of free food. I asked, what’s better than food? Free food.
Well, dear readers, I lied. (I do that sometimes. Try and love me anyway).
If you can somehow combine free food with the best activity on the planet, then you’ve found the one thing on earth even better than Free Food.
Anyone who has watched a single episode of Seinfeld knows where this is leading. Sex and food.
I’ve hooked you up with the free food, now what about the free sex? Well, you’re on your own finding someone who wants to see you naked, but I might be able to help you out after that. (Not like that, pervert).
See, there is an inherent problem with sex: it can result in children. Despite them being kinda cute, they make noise, smell, and cost money.
Just ask my parents. On top of raising me, they sent me to a private college (expensive) and helped move me back to Chicago (Expensive) and once you factor in bail money (EXPENSIVE) I’ve cost them a lot of money. They should’ve gotten a dog.
Thankfully, the folks at Horny Goat Brewing Company have done their part to prevent you from ever reproducing (remind me to send them a thank you card).
Get your free Horny Goat Condoms (If you’re 21 or older!) here. (Go to Where to Get Horny).
Free Sandwich? Check. Free Horny Goat Condoms? Check. Someone to have sex with? Stop looking at me like that, if I do everything for you you’ll never learn anything.
Happy Humping!
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I’m telling my daddy on you. Remember what happened last time?