With the constant talk about layoffs every time you turn on the TV, connect to the interwebs or call your mother to ask how she’s doing, it seems like it’s a miracle any of us are employed at all.
That being said, it might be a good time to update the resume, just to make sure you have your bases covered when, hypothetically, your boss catches you looking at celebrity gossip sites or updating your blog (ahem) on company time.
With the job market flooded with viable candidates, how are you, someone who just got the axe for spending your days watching Lindsay Lohan’s not-maybe-totally lesbian relationship go down the tubes instead of working?
Well, let me tell you.
You’re going to lie.
Now, before you get all holier than thou and self righteous, hear me out (and get off your high horse, I’m not the one who got busted staring at celebrity gossip).
I’m not condoning lying on your resume. That’s another article for another time that requires precision and far more detail than I’m willing to commit to for this post. I’m simply condoning stretching the truth so you don’t have to move back in with your mother and hear every day how you’re not getting any younger and why aren’t you married yet, God you’re just like your father.
So what do you say when a new potential employer asks why you’re looking for work?
You are no longer “fired for wasting company time and money.” You are now “looking for a more stable position.” With such turbulent economic times, no one will blame you for wanting to move to a more stable industry.
What if they don’t buy that? Tell them “your company is restructuring because of the economy.” This is not a lie. They are restructuring; they had to do so when they fired your sorry butt.
Ok, so you’re the worst interviewee ever, and they didn’t buy the second reason either? Then, you are “looking for a position that would allow you more opportunities to grow within the company.”
Sound like total BS? That’s because it is. But as someone who spent a good deal of her day interviewing people, I can tell you that it’s exactly the kind of BS that gets you a job.
Unless you want to take it on faith that the person you’re interviewing with is as celebrity obsessed as you are. Then by all means, go with the truth. Tell me how it works out for you.
Tags: careers
Comments (11)
I tell the truth. “I’m looking for a job where I get paid to be my asshole self, browse the internet, ridicule worthless people, make fun of their looks, work from home in my underwear, have access to AIM so I can procrastinate, and write down my demented and sarcastic inner monologue for the world to bow down to”
Clare, I think I want your job.
Looking for a job because I can’t afford my $8 ice cubes (balls) any longer
Oh no, lying on a resume is an entirely different animal.
All can be applied to the resumee as well as the general interview process.
Here’s another job interview tip… It’s all semantics:
Interviewer: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
You: Convicted? No.
If I told you, I’d have to kill you.
And Dana: I’m so in. I know someone we can stay with, and he’s got connections. Who knows, maybe Lindsay will want to date me next.
So, Clare Fromme, tell us. What lies did you tell when you were hired on at Tame the Bear…?
We should start doing that here.
Email me a picture of you. :D
Oh my God! Lindsay and Sam are breaking up? WHY? WHYYYYYY? I’m going to quit my job, go to hollywood, and protest the end of their relationship. You in?
But how can anyone resist the siren song of Perez Hilton??? A day isn’t complete without a photo of Jessica Simpson with white goo drawn on it!