There are a few things in life I’m really good at. They are, in no particular order:

- Talking my way out of speeding tickets
- Bomb It
- Creating new and exciting curse words.

Really, I’ve turned it into almost an art form, much to the disappointment of my mother. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she knows I curse like a sailor, one of her best friends at work (Hi Leslie!) actually took to using the phrase “blow it out your ass”. Which I take total credit for.

But the big discussion is always whether or not I talk like that at work, or if I should.

Some people will say that cursing at work is always inappropriate, and it shouldn’t happen no matter what. Those people are generally boring and wouldn’t be reading any of my writing anyway, so screw them.

Now, I’m not advocating letting off a stream of curse words to your boss. That’s generally not a good idea. However, when you’re among coworkers and the shit is hitting the fan, sometimes it helps release a little bit of tension to let loose with a few expletives. The funnier the better.

However, there’s a time and a place for this sort of thing. If you are not Christian Bale, chances are a 7 minute tirade laced with profanity will get you shown the door unless you work in a bar. If you don’t work in a bar, it’s probably not a good idea to refer to any of your co-workers as worthless shitwhistles. Even if they do happen to be worthless shitwhistles.

There are people who get paid way more than I can even imagine to sit around and study crap like how curse words affect productivity. Kudos to those people, as they’ve actually managed to make an entire career out of…well…nothing.

At the end of the day, if your coworkers swear, chances are you can get by with proclaiming “Oh Jesus Tap Dancing Christ” or “Fuck me backwards on a bicycle”. However, if the people you work with are referred to as “Father” or still have an allotted nap time after recess? You’re better off keeping it to yourself, unless you want to be the Christian Bale of your office.

Dumbass.