With companies cutting salaries across the board, chances are you’re not going to get the pay increase you’ve always dreamed of. This, in itself, sucks big fat yak testicles.

But before you light your cubicle on fire while screaming about how your boss can see you in hell, consider some alternatives. (To the pay raise, not lighting your cube on fire. Although you shouldn’t do that either. But if you do, please feel free to tape it for those of us here at TTB.)

You can always try to ask for more vacation time. It doesn’t pay the way to Vegas, but it does give you more free time. The only thing better than getting a raise might possibly be making the same amount for going in less.

The same idea goes for telecommuting. It’s well established that telecommuting is German for “wake up at noon and drink beer until you throw up while still getting paid”. This doesn’t put any more money in your bank account, but it helps retain what’s there. It’s a few days less a week of buying gas, coffee, lunch, and various pharmaceutical drugs which directly impacts your wallet.

The following might seem against everything I stand for (which is more money for less work), but bear with me: You might want to ask your boss to foot the bill for either tuition or extra training in your area of expertise. Now don’t get me wrong, extra effort sucks, however, if you’re savvy enough to do your homework and choose a training class that is in Las Vegas the same week that there’s a slutty supermodel convention, that’s just a convenient coincidence.

I did see one site suggesting that you ask for more responsibility, kind of a promotion without extra pay. The idea being that you are setting the groundwork to get paid more later.

You can give that a shot, but l consider it a slippery slope. Much like having sex, the minute you start doing it for free, you’ve shot to shit your chances of ever getting paid for it in the future with that particular person. But either way, you’re still getting screwed.

If your boss says no to more money, there are always other options as long as you think outside the box. If they say no to all of your suggestions? I’ve got a lighter you can borrow.