Can’t find a job? Or are you a whiny bitch and just want a better one? (Totally acceptable, by the way.)
Move to Texas and all your problems will be solved. (Added Bonus: You can walk around in ass-less chaps.)
Forbes recently came out with a new report about where jobs are prominent, and growth is eminent.
Texas dominated the top 5 cities — in descending order: Dallas; Fort Worth; San Antonio; Houston; Austin.
Well, that’s great news, ya’ll. So jump in your RV and head on down to the Lone-Star state.
As for me, I will not be moving to Texas any time soon, for the following reasons:
- I refuse to wear a cowboy hat. In fact, I loathe them. Almost as much as I loathe mullets. The only person who ever looked good sporting a Stetson was John Wayne.
- I have no desire to attend rodeos, unless Borat will be making an appearance. Watching grown men being thrashed around on some angry-ass bull is NOT my idea of fun. But then again, I also am not a fan of cock-fighting.
- Hearing the plural of you as “ya’ll” dropped an average of 50 times in 2 sentences gives me hives. (Although, to be fair, I get equally as aggravated when my very-Italian-uncle says “youse.”)
- Do not, will not, can not ever like country music.
- I suck at Texas Hold ‘Em. And I don’t know when to fold ‘em.
(NOTE: I’ve just been informed that Texans love their guns. A lot. So, please accept my apologies for any offense the previous stereotypes may have caused. It’s all just for fun, anyways. If it’ll make you feel better, you can leave your opinions of us Yanks in the comments…)
Ok, nothing gets people to come together like a group song.
So come on, ya’ll! Sing with me!
The stars at night
Are big n’ bright
(clap clap clap clap!)
Deep in the hearrrrt, of Texas….
