It’s a sign of the Apocalypse.
The Obama Chia Pet… the Snuggie… and now…
THE ROPELESS FUCKING JUMP ROPE.
(click on pic above for larger view… if you dare)
I cannot contain my outrage.
It’s the latest invention that makes me really begin to loathe the human species. Or at least those who buy stupid crap.
Ok. So they make some promising claims:
-Jumping rope is one of the fastest ways to get in shape. (Yeah, I saw Rocky.)
-You can burn as many calories in 10 minutes as you can running for 30 minutes. (Hm.. Interested…)
-Jumping rope is “hard” and takes a lot of “skill” (Really? Then it should be considered child abuse that they made us do it in 2nd grade gym class.)
Now you can do it by looking like an asshole with jump rope handles, minus the rope. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Jump Snap.
It makes a snapping sound like a rope. Without the rope.
But, by far, the most annoying selling point:
–Even if you can’t jump, just bend your knees and you’ll still get great results.
Are they high? Now you can lose weight by just moving up and down?!?
That’s like going up to your boss and saying, “Hey, I’m not gonna work today– I think I’ll just spend my 7 hours playing Snood. But I’d still like to get paid since I went through the effort of showing up. Thanks.”
The cost of an invisible jump rope? $49.95.
Although… that seems cheap compared to the price of humiliation you will face as your neighbors point and laugh at “the fool jumping over an invisible rope.”
Even more embarrassing? If you trip over the invisible jump rope.
But I’d like to thank Jump Snap for annoying me enough to get my blood boiling. I’m sure I burned a few calories just thinking about it.
Tags: jump rope, stupid inventions, working out
