In these economic times, it’s nice to have companionship to pick you up when you’re down.

Besides pets and, well, people, there are some products out there that’ll be your friend. But not without a price.

First, take the Glade Sense & Spray Automatic Spray. Basically, it is one of those free-standing air fresheners with a sensor that sprays the really fragrant stuff every time it detects you walking by.

My problem with the Sense & Spray is that it shows how lonely people are. Sure, you could get a (much cheaper) aerosol can of smelly spray and do it yourself, but then you wouldn’t have the sensory interaction with a living, breathing, odor-emitting entity, now would you?

It’s like having someone on your wall telling you “You’re Awesome!” every time you walk by. And what’s more, it basically encourages you to fart in front of it, just so it can do its magic and prove itself to you. Now that’s love.

But love has its price: The “starter kit” for this is around $10 at most convenient stores. Then, you have to spend $6 more for each replacement. Do the math, kiddos. Over-priced air freshener + no less than 12 replacements a year = wasted money you could have spent on that awesome new… (insert cool thing you really want for around $100).

Then there’s the Roomba, essentially a maid, an entertainer, and a friend, all rolled into one. It’s the self-controlled vacuum cleaning robot that is a stark reminder of the constant threat of a robot uprising. But when you’re alone in your apartment, watching the Roomba scuttle across the floor until it hits your foot, then gently moves its way around your foot in a way that is sexy in its own way, you’ll say it was worth the $550 price tag.

Wait, what? $550? US Dollars? Really?

Sorry, Roomba. It’s not going to work out.

Tags: advertising, expensive crap, products